I KNEW WHAT TO EXPECT. I KNEW WHAT MY BODY DID. I KNEW HOW IT ‘LIKED’ TO GIVE BIRTH. I WAS PREPARED.
After having 2 postpartum haemorrhages with my previous births I focused on this aspect throughout my Pregnancy. I was positive it wasn’t going to happen again. I was going to trust my body. Believe in my body but also support my body ensuring it has all it needs to bring our baby Earthside healthy & happy.
After a few road bumps along the way with the pregnancy due to bleeding & a low lying placenta we were finally in the clear and ready for my ‘Womb Growing Festival’ to finish. You know, those last 2 weeks which feel like they take 60 weeks!
This would be our 2nd home birth with the same team of Midwives. Everything was prepared. I was ready, (im)patiently waiting for my baby to pick their birth day.
To my surprise the labour started hard and fast. I remember thinking to myself, this isn’t it. It can’t be. All my labours take hours & hours to build to the grand finale.
NOT THIS ONE, APPARENTLY!
I hoped into the shower at about midnight and said to my husband, it’s ok the shower will give me comfort and probably stop it. I could see the full-moon through the window ~ should have realized then it was the real deal and it wasn’t going to stop!
I think I got out about 20 mins later and the surges just kept coming hard and fast.
IT WAS HAPPENING. IT WAS THE REAL DEAL.
Hubby phoned the Midwife and Photographer. The team was being assembled.
IT WAS GO TIME.
Much of the next couple of hours was a blur really. When in labour, it’s like you are in an alternate universe. You are there but you don’t engage or interact with your surrounds.
I had the ‘bare down’ urge for about 2hrs before my baby arrived. It was becoming very frustrating for me.
I KNEW MY BODY WAS READY FOR BABY TO COME.
I KNEW MY BABY WAS READY.
MY MIND WASN’T.
I was fixated on the possibility of a haemorrhage. I was focusing on that at any moment I could instead of surrendering myself and allowing the process to take over.
I LET FEAR & DOUBT INTO MY BIRTH SPACE. IT IS THE ONE THING THAT SHOULDN’T BE THERE!
My mind finally caught up with my body and baby.
I WAS READY.
Once every part of me aligned it was time. I breathed my baby out. I didn’t push, I didn’t go against my body. I followed it. I listened. We worked together.
I guided my baby’s head out.
I DID IT. NOT MY MIDWIFE OR MY HUSBAND. ME. I DID IT. I SUPPORTED MY BABY’S HEAD. I DID IT.
That moment was a sheer moment of power. I remember the determination and strength I had. I was almost at the finish line and I wasn’t stopping now!
Once the head is out, the feeling is almost indescribable.
IT’S TRIUMPH. POWER. RELIEF. HAPPINESS. AND SO MUCH MORE IN THAT ONE MOMENT.
You know you will be meeting you baby in an instant. On the next surge your baby will be in your arms.
It’s a BOY. HE was here. Our baby was HERE!
I DID IT. I BIRTHED LIKE A BADASS.
The next moments after he arrived were so important for me. I soaked up all his newness. I took in every part of him. I wanted to be undisturbed. I wouldn’t let my husband contact ANYONE for a good couple of hours either. I wanted to savour every moment of just us before letting anyone else in.
I remember my midwife’s sitting by my bed waiting and watching, ready for any signs of a PPH.
I willed my body to do as it needed. I said over & over in my mind.
I WILL NOT BLEED. MY UTERUS WILL CONTRACT. MY BODY WILL DO THIS.
And you know what? My body DID IT. I didn’t bleed. My uterus contracted just as it should. Fucking fist pump!
IT’S AMAZING WHAT YOUR BODY CAN DO WHEN YOU TRUST IN IT.
From my first strong surges to when my baby arrived was something like 3.5hrs, it probably would have been quicker if my mind was ready.
That’s the thing about labour and birth. You need every part of you and your body to align. You need to release all fears. Surrender to the power within you. Trust in yourself and surround yourself with a kickass birth team that supports you wholeheartedly.
THE JOURNEY IN WHICH YOUR BABY ARRIVES IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR BABY ARRIVING!
Now to put my words into motion…the video from my birth. Thanks to Aly at Kuya Bunso Photography. These memories I will treasure forever and a day.
I am not putting a ‘warning’ on this but…its a birth video…so you will see a baby exiting a vagina!